Things will never get better.

I am either already dead or I am dying. I have to call my mom to stop myself from taking eight pills of benedryl - simply because I do not want to run out of benedryl. But I called her enough tonight. Maybe it's time to sleep now.

I have to write my first draft for my English project, and I have 3 assignments for Math, all due on Tuesday... and today all I did was play WoW because I'm depressed. I didn't even leave my room except to eat lunch and dinner. Alone.

But I know things will get better with Sean. Eventually. I just have to put up with being cooped up in my room all day. Until I make friends I can stand hanging out with.

On the bright side, I finally reached level 70 =] too bad the cap is 80 now...

I think today might be the day.

I don't like thissssssssssss.

I am going to take a hot shower and then go to bed. Tomorrow is a new day. Who knows what will happen.

Monkey waiters. In Japan. Omg.

OMFG. OMG. ... you HAVE to watch it. Skip ahead to 1:20 if you don't have enough time but JESUSCHRIST I NEARLY DIED.

I am so fucking tired of this. My boyfriend doesn't know why he bothers with me. My parents think I'm a horrible daughter. My friends don't find any need to talk to me ever. I have been completely alone for more than a week and as soon as my parents come home, they yell at me for the littlest of things. I feel like shit and I can't complain to anyone without coming off as selfish. I wish I had a boyfriend that was as there for me as he claimed, and I wish I could feel liked again by anyone for at least a little bit. I feel so completely worthless and a waste of space and there's absolutely nothing I can do.

Does anyone else listen to A Fine Frenzy? I had them on my itunes for a while, but just recently decided to actually listen. I like the songs Come On Come Out, Rangers, Almost Lover, and... another one but I forgot the name.

I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Also. I'm depressed because I have like. No friends left. I've ignored them all through school and then more through the summer. It's pretty much the worst feeling ever.

Pokemon Tournament last weekend! It was tons of fun. I went on Friday and got to Philadelphia around 1 in the morning... There was a problem with our hotel, but I finally got to sleep around 2, then woke up at 7 Saturday to go kick some serious pokemon ass. Which did not happen. I won 2 rounds out of the 7 I was assigned xD My deck is seriously retarded. I didn't expect to win, though, so it's all good. There were 167 people in the Masters division! (People born 1993 and under). And then 50/50 in the juniors/seniors division. Lots of people. Lots of little'uns being hunted by older men. It was creepy... Anyways, the whole tournament was just 7 Swiss rounds, and then the top 16 got to continue to see who got 1st. You know. 1st place got $1,500 in scholarship money! Zomg. My friend Chris got up to the top 16, but lost the first battle in that section... Those people were intense! Srsly. It was kinda sad lol. So anyways, Sean and I only won 1 game out of four, so we decided to drop out and join a side event. I won 1 game out of 3 in that event... and I won against Sean. I almost beat this one little kid with the new Electivire Lvl X I bought there, but he killed me before I got it out... Sad... Anywho! It was fun, even though I didn't win anything. Actually, I did win a door prize for submitting a coloring of Espeon (there was a coloring competition. which I also did not win.)

I had more pictures than this but it's hell getting them off my phone. Soo... just 1 super blurry pic. This is Rachel and Sean as we waited for the tournament to start. We're shuffling our cards. Mine aren't in the picture =[ But they're purple ^^

Sean and I got in a big fight last night. I said a some hurtful things, which I took back shortly after, and he said some hurtful things, which I think will remain with me for a long time. I can't remember the last time I cried that hard.

Hate myself.

I had a dream the elevator floor broke while I was in it, and now I'm afraid of my dorm's elevators... which are constantly breaking. One is stuck open on my floor so I get to to think about it every time I leave my room.

I stole this from Katie on Facebook...

Rules: It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag 10 people. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real. . .nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Have Fun! It will make me happy if you reply

1. What is your name: Lauren

2. A four Letter Word: Love

3. A boy's Name: Lawrence

4. A girl's Name: Lilian

5. An occupation: Lawyer

6. A color: Light blue =]

7. Something you wear: ___

8. A food: Lasagna...

9. Something found in the bathroom: Lights!

10. A place: Louisiana

11. A reason for being late: Late. Just being late. =]

12. Something you shout: LOSER.

13. A movie: ___

14. Something you drink: Lemonade

15. A musical group: Lacuna Coil

16. An animal: Lion

17. A street name: ... Stupid, I could easily make this up. Little Lane!

18. A type of car: a Lovely one...

19. The title of a song: La Bamba!

20. A hobby: Lying.

So yesterday I was super thirsty heading from one class to the other, so in the short time I had, I stopped by a vending machine, put in a dollar, and selected a Sprite. Nothing happened. I pressed each one of the buttons, desperate for something to drink, but the machine refused to respond. I ended up settling for a $1.50 Vitamin Water from the machine next to it, a bit miffed.

Later that day I went to the Brew n Gold, got a drink token, put the token in the machine, hoping for a Sprite this time. Two came out! I thanked the universe for its kindness, took both drinks (I'm such a thief), and saved them for later.

I drank the first one last night. This morning in Japanese, I opened the second Sprite, and had it explode all over me.

... Thanks, universe.

Meh. I hope this Christmas Eve gets better... I know it will, it has nowhere to go but up, I suppose. And I just woke up, it's early still. I'm just a little upset. Last night I was more or less the cause of Sean suddenly getting extremely depressed (it's not my fault I was away from my computer and could not IM him, or text him back, but it is my fault that I might have led him to believe I was mad at him...). He gets emo a lot, sometimes it's more than others (like most of the time it's kind of annoying, which is why I got mad at him to begin with), but it really hurts me when he's upset and there's nothing I can do to help... Also, our heater upstairs is broken. I thought it was my imagination ("why am I so cold all the time!") but it is indeed 60 degrees up here. Maybe I should check the thermostat more often. Thirdly, I woke up to two unhappy sounds: first being the outside heater machinery (I dunno what it's called) obviously breaking, with a high pitched whining; and second being my mom screaming "Fuck you!" on the phone, slamming it down, and bursting into tears. She's going through another depression episode... She has weeks like this, I dunno why the medication doesn't work 365 days a year... So my mom's upset, my dad's upset (at the heater), my Sean's upset, and I'm upset because everyone else is upset on Christmas Eve. Granted... it's only 11:30... Once my sister comes to visit, I'm sure it'll get better.

I needed to do something that would cheer me up... I am so miserable right now...

1. Put your iTunes (or any other media player you may have) on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing the meme as well as the person you got the memo from
.
( One World... )

Well, I'm home... People are going to get sick of me saying "I miss Sean" a lot... I'll try to keep it to myself. I got used to falling asleep in his arms every night, it's gonna be hard to shake off the sudden loneliness of being at home. Meh.

So my room smells horribly. Our car broke down driving back from Morgantown. My roommate stole my Apples to Apples, which I am very upset about. And... I'm sleepy. I miss Sean too. Just grumpy overall. I'll get over it.

Felt like posting. Hope everyone's doing well~

Things That Make Me Unhappy: Day 1

Being woken up at 3 in the morning to the sound of roommate coming in with a friend. Then being forced to stay awake by the sounds of them having sex. Getting only about 2 hours of sleep. Snagging my piercing with a comb, which hurt like hell. And walking to class alone - in the rain.

And the day has only begun.

Hehehe. This morning I was talking to Sean and said I had "muffins" instead of "mittens." I'm an idiot.

I just discovered Pandora radio. Like, I knew of it before, but seriously? I didn't know it was awesome. For those of you who don't know, Pandora is an online radio where you can personalize your stations by putting in one artist, and it'll create a series of similar sounding artists. So far I've liked all the songs that have come up. Except one of them was a Christian rock band. The music was good, but eh.

Anywho. Things have been going awesomely with Sean. Awesomely! I can't talk about it because it's retarded to gush about it over livejournal T__T just know I'm super happy. He is so sweet.

- *erases paragraph of school girling*

Only one more week til Thanksgiving break! We all need to hang out ><; THAT MEANS YOU TOO, MORGAN. Ms. I'm-Not-Going-to-Talk-to-Lauren-At-All-Ever. Bah.

So yeah, my parents came to visit me on Saturday. They're convinced I'm anorexic. Or rather, not eating as much as I should. I don't blame them for worrying, I've been losing a lot of weight... and my ring keeps swinging around my finger as I type this, which it hasn't done before... but I've been eating a lot. Like, breakfast everyday, lunch everyday. On weekdays, anyway. Weekends I can't be bothered to leave my room, I usually just eat what's in my fridge.

Which is nothing because I have no money. My bank charged me twice $5.95 for online banking fees. What does that mean?? Is it because I bought something over the internet? Dad says it isn't, but I can't think of any other reason. I was already refusing to buy anything because of my lack of money, but now I have $12 in there. Grr!

Oh well... I'm getting $100 in December anyway. Except I'm spending all that on Christmas presents. Which reminds me, I should start looking around...

But yeah. Hope everyone is having a nice life =] It is crazy snowing here in Morgantown. It's making the town really pretty, if you ignore Death hanging everywhere (I hate the cold so much. I hate winter. But I love the snow...)

I am going back to making a list of new artists to listen to. Ttyl!

PS. thanks for everyone posting =] it made me very happy

I had some dreams last night. 3 that I remember! I feel like LJing so I'm going to talk about them =]

One of the dreams had Brittany in it. She was pissed at me lol but wouldn't really say so until I was walking to the school bus (middle school setting) with her. I was all, "Are you mad at me?" and she was all "no, not really" and I was all "about Saturday night?" And she stopped, looked at me, then turned around. "I forgot something in my locker." So I was all "??" and she finally admitted to being super pissed at me, and it hurt my feelings. Such an eventful dream!! I saw Brittany in the elevators this morning and told her about it lol. She said she wasn't mad about Saturday, but... I think she is...

The other dream I had was a little more cool. I can't remember what happened in it, but I had a really good friend. And she died. She drowned or something, in the dream, I only remember the end. I was in the girl's bathroom being sad - we didn't really know she was dead, she just sorta... disappeared under the water. But then she walked into the bathroom and smiled at me, and I knew she was dead. She came up to me and gave me a necklace, laughing, then walked out, and I just started bawling. (It was her ghost, you see). I woke up in the middle of the night super teary-eyed. Death in dreams symbolizes Change, though, maybe for the better? Who knows.

Then the other dream was about Sean. He was some random guy I met on Vacation and we became really good friends, but then I had to suddenly leave without any chance to say goodbye! I stole his hoodie (he gave me his hoodie in real life, it was the same one~) so I could remember him, only when I got back home, it wasn't in my suitcase. It was gone. And it was majorly depressing.

And that's it o.o. My sunburn is starting to peel - ewww. My nose is all scaly. It looks like Mohinder's back on Heroes. I've started watching Heroes, by the way. I watch the new ones on TV and then I watch the first and second DVDs with Sean. So far I'm only on episode 13 of the first season...

...I want to take pictures. But I won't...